A couple months ago, on April 10, I moved to a different country. Not because I hated my old one.
Not because I didn't have friends there or anything to live for there. No. I was fine there. Happy.
I moved because my father lives in this different country and he wants me to get a residency before I turn 18. If I look at the logic to it, this is a smart move. Because this country is far better than my previous country. But I did not want this. I did not want to move away from very important people in my life, especially one in particular.
But let me take you back just a little farther.
You see, I am a child from a broken home. But I did not weep about it (in public). I did not retaliate or rebel. I plastered on a smile and wanted to become the best of everything, a jack of all trades, just to make every single person who thought I would disintegrate into a moping, suicidal, shell of a kid eat all of their words. I became an achiever, a model student, the face of every competition my school felt I was perfect for but deep within, I was proud, self-centered and unfeeling.
A couple of years passed and my "mask" of false happiness was erased. I got over the broken home business and I was happy with my friends. I was still a little proud but I wasn't as self-centered and numb like I was before. And then... I fell in love.
He isn't perfect. He's far from it. But he has what I don't as I have what he does not. Our relationship isn't perfect either. We don't always see eye to eye. But it really does feel better, facing the world with someone. Someone who you hope someday will legally become your better half.
My life still wasn't perfect compared to my "broken home" phase but I was happy. Very very happy. I had friends who love me and I person I dream about spending my life with. We only needed to finish school and work and we'd be set. What more should I ask for?
Ah. But my dear reader, I am sure you know how life is. There are ups and downs. I had this major down, with my parents separating but then my world was rising again... this would only mean one thing would be nearing... another downer has my name written all over it.
And BAM! I have to move to a different country. It's not even in the same continent as my old one. I feel so close to depression sometimes. The only way I can calm myself down is if I don't think about my situation that much. I love reading fiction novels, dreaming of home and writing down my ridiculously detailed 5-year plan. I keep on thinking about new stuff to worry about constantly. It's good that I have a notebook with me. It's keeping me sane.
I really really really miss my boyfriend. Even though we talk on a daily basis, it's still a different story when it comes to companionship. I miss his hugs, his smell, his hands holding mine. We have been together for 2 years and 8 months when I left. It was maddening when he brought me to the airport. If I could only have taken him with me... or if I could say no to my father (he never really asked me if I wanted to go so I didn't have the privilege to say yes or no).
Anyway, this blog will soon be filled with my rants, plans, worries and updates. I hope I at least keep some of you entertained. Thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment